


"I'd like to see him live one day in my shoes."

by The_alpha_of_alphas



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: And angst, Awkwardness, Bodyswap, I may make a sequel to it, I'm so sorry, M/M, MY GAY BABIES, Open ended?, Simon's magic goes wonky, SnowBaz, This is crack, and fluff, idk - Freeform, this is shit, vampire reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9290489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_alpha_of_alphas/pseuds/The_alpha_of_alphas
Summary: Simon gets pissed at Baz and does some pretty impressive spell-less soul magic. Too bad Baz is too pissed about being in his crush/arch enemy's body to enjoy it.(Or, the one where Simon and Baz switch bodies and this shit happens.)





	

Simon told himself that if he had to hear Baz hum that bloody song one more time, he'd choke the wanker with his own tie. Three days of dorm-arrest later, the Mage finally snapped.

Simon groaned and threw a pillow in the general direction if his roommate's bed, "Will you stuff it?!"

He didn't need to see Baz to know he was sneering, it was basically his only expression (that and perpetually pissed off), as he said, "Yes because I just live, to please the Mage's heir."

Simon growled and buried his face in his pillow, "Why don't you hum a different song then? Why does it have to be the same one, again and again." He punctuated the last few words by hitting his face against the pillow with each word.

Baz snorted unceremoniously, "Because as I implied before, I truly do not, live to please you Snow." Simon heard him turn the page of whatever book he was reading. Probably something like '100 ways to kill your roommate'. Baz sneered as if he could hear Simon's thoughts and for a moment, the blonde boy worried he actually could, being a vampire and all, but he just as quickly dismissed the idea.

Baz stared at Simon from the corner of his eye, "Snow, stop it."

Simon glared at him, "I'm not doing anything you twat."

The Pitch boy turned to face him, eyes hard, "You're thinking. I can hear it all the way over here." He made a twirling motion with his finger pointed at his temple, "Like gears shifting too much."

Simon glared at him some more, "I'll show you gears shifting..." He growled and lunged out of bed towards the dark haired boy.

Baz's eyes widened, "Anathema!" He shouted and Simon froze, half out of bed, fist raised.

Simon fell back into bed angrily, "This is all your fault."

Baz scoffed, "How the blazes is this all my fault? I remember you having just as big a part in it."

The blonde mage looked at him, "You were plotting something! You always are! Its my job to find out what it is and stop you."

The vampire grit his teeth, "Oh yes, I certainly am plotting something..." He muttered low enough that Snow couldn't hear him.

-

Later that evening, they were let out. Both lurched out of bed when the dinner bell rang through the school. With a sneer from Baz and a growl from Simon, the two went their separate ways.

-

Simon slumped into his chair next to Penny and Agatha, "So, what did I miss?" He asked as he shoveled food into his mouth.

Agatha gave him a look that he read as, 'Manners' which after 3 days of being stuck with only Baz, he elected to ignore.

Penny raised a well-sculpted eyebrow at him, "Crowley Simon, don't forget to breathe. And you didn't miss much. Just today's classes, yes you can copy my stuff, and you missed the Spells teacher almost blow up half the seventh year classroom."

Simon groaned and swallowed before saying, "Why do I miss everything?"

Penny snickered, "So, I see that both you and Baz are still here. No Anathema breaches?"

Simon rolled his eyes and swallowed the huge bite of cherry scone he had just taken, "Let's just say there were a few close calls..."

Agatha and Penny both laughed at that. Simon stole a glance over at Baz to see the dark haired boy already looking at him. Baz startled when he realized he'd been caught but regained his composure and sent a sneer Simon's way before looking at Dev.

Simon growled and angrily took a bite. He shook his head, "Bloody wanker."

Penny choked on her tea, "Simon!"

He sighs, "Sorry Pen...that was supposed to be in my head..."

A familiar sharp laugh resounded a few tables away and Simon snarled, feeling his magic teeming, the air popping and snapping around him, "I'd like to see him live one day in my shoes."

Penny and Agatha both gasped as Penny yelled, "Simon no!"

But it was too late. A bit of glow and a high pitched hum surrounded both Simon and Baz.

-

Baz groaned and lifted a hand to his head, "Crowley, what was-" he froze. That wasn't his voice. That was...

Bloody hell...

-

Simon blinked a few times, trying to gather his bearings, "Don't what, Penny?" He frowned and stared at Nial and Dev, "Oh no..."

-  
[Baz POV]  
I growled and stomped over to Simon, "Hello, Baz." The venom in my-Simons's voice was odd, "We need to talk."

He stared up at me, or himself I suppose, the look of terror mixed with frustration was weird to see on my features. He nodded, "Yeah..."

I snarled and hauled him up by his arm and dragged him up to our dorm, slamming the door behind us, and then slamming him-me-us? against the wall, "For fucks sake Snow, can you not go one bloody day without fucking everything up?" It was weird having to look up at him, but definitely not as weird as looking up at my own face.

His (my) features twisted into rage, a much more familiar sight, "And how do you know it was me? Huh, Baz?" He slammed his (my) body against me (him), "Why the fuck is it always my fault?" He snarled.

I stared at him (me-oh whatever, you get the gist), "Okay, okay...Crowley, calm down Snow."

He snarled again, and I have to admit, I look pretty hot when I'm angry. He shoved me off and scrambled to grab his books, "There's got to be something in here-" he was cut off by someone knocking on the door. 

I glared at him, "Act natural." And then went to open the door. On the other side stood none other than, Bunce. I quickly grabbed her arm and hauled her into the room, "Thank Crowley." I looked at Simon, "She's the only one we can trust with this."

He nodded in agreement as she looked back and forth between us, frowning, "What on earth is going on here?"

-  
[Simon POV]  
After Baz explained what had happened to him, Penny nodded and looked at me, "I felt Simon's magic go off. I didn't know what he had done though. He honestly didn't even cast a proper spell. He just said, 'I'd like to see him live one day in my shoes.' And then you both started acting weird."

Baz gaped at me, "You did magic...without casting? And Soul Magic at that?" He shook his head, "Blimey Snow...I knew you were powerful but this is something else."

Penny nodded, "Only two other Mages in the history of Magic have ever been able to cast Spell-less magic; Merlin himself and Baz's mother."

Baz suddenly seemed very interested in the duvets. I frowned and looked at Penny, "So...how do we reverse it?"

Penny gave us both a sad look, "You can't. You'll have to do as the spell said, live a day in the other's shoes."

-  
[Baz POV]  
After Penny had left, Simon started pacing. But I wasn't paying attention. I could feel Simon's magic flowing through me, burning me from the inside out almost. I suddenly regretted ever saying Simon's magic was a loose cannon. How does he stand it? It feels like I'm going to explode at any given moment...

I realized Simon was talking again, "...be each other. How hard can it be?"

I thought about it. We have lived together for Seven years now, we know everything about each other, whether we like it or not. I know how much Simon needs to eat, I'm suddenly thinking that it may be that his magic burns away his calories, leaving him always hungry. I know how early he likes to get up. I know which classes he does good in, and which ones he mucks up.

He knows how early I have to get up. He knows how well I dress. He knows which classes I do well in, all of them. And, he knows how little I eat. 

Eat...

I freeze. Fuck a four eyed frog. He'll finally have proof I'm a Vampire.

I jump up and grab his arms, interrupting his rant, "We need to make a truce."

He gives me a weird look, and by weird I mean it looks really weird on my face, "What kind of truce?"

I level my gaze, "Whatever we learn during this...experiment, stays between us. No one else."

He pauses, thinking for a moment before nodding, "Fair enough."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and sit back down. This was going to be a long 24 hours.

-

After we went to bed, in our opposite beds as to not arouse suspicion if someone were to come in, I had finally started to drift off when I heard Simon groan. I blinked, suddenly fully awake and wondered if I had just imagined it. Then, I heard it again followed by a whimper.

I froze for the second time that day. I hadn't fed since he and I had been put on dorm-arrest...making it three days...

Simon suddenly choked, "Baz-" I winced at the helplessness that was just so, Simon. He spoke again and it sounded like he was fighting tears, "Baz please."

I refused to move. I pretended I was asleep. I figured it was a good plan, until he got up and stumbled over, "Baz are you awake-holy shit..." He breathed the last part, "I gotta get out of here...I'm gonna fucking bite myself."

I cursed every god and goddess at that point and sat up, grabbing his arm and pulling him down with me, "I'm so sorry. I hadn't had time to...feed, since we've been locked up here."

He shook his head, face scrunched up in pain, "How do you stand it?" I give him a look to elaborate and he does, "Not biting me."

I gently reach up and brush the hollow of my throat, "Where is your cross-"

He stumbles backwards, as if the motion of my moving my hand made the smell worse, which it probably did, "F-fuck..."

I stare at him, "Snow..." He suddenly has me pinned to the wall, "Sn-Simon. Don't do this..." My voice is pleading. I can't let him turn himself into the monster I am.

He blinks at me and croaks, "Help me, please." He says brokenly.

-

Two hours later we are back in our room, both of us on Simon's bed, him clinging to me. I had taken him down to the catacombs and he caught a few rats. He had sobbed himself to sleep, but not before he crawled into bed with me and whispered, "I'm so sorry I called you a monster. I didn't know..."

I had never expected something like this to happen, and it sparked hope in my chest. But hope...is a dangerous thing.

-  
[Simon POV]  
I woke up before Baz, it was as if getting up before the sun rose was a muscle memory that his body remembered. I allowed myself a moment to enjoy the feeling of being held before I untangled from him and made my way to the bathroom. Seeing as I was not about to bathe a body that was not mine, I cast a quick "Clean As A Whistle" spell. I looked in the mirror at the slightly curly hair, Baz must put a ton of product in it and I don't even know where to start. I quickly brushed my teeth, its a weird feeling to use someone else's toothbrush, and then I changed into my favorite outfit that Baz has ever worn. 

It was back in fifth year, it was cold, dark, and just downright depressing. Baz had worn a worn Red t-shirt, a grey sweater and Black sweatpants. It was warm and comfortable. Then, I stared at the hair again. After about ten minutes of searching through the products under the sink, I gave up and grabbed the elastic that Penny had left a few weeks ago, putting my long black hair up into a messy bun. As I looked in the mirror, I froze.

-  
[Baz POV]  
I had just woken up, searching through Simon's closet to find something semi-decent when I heard a shocked, "Crowley he's attractive..." From the bathroom. I quickly schooled my features and pretended to not have heard anything.

-

After Simon left, having dressed me in something that I'd never wear yet, looked amazing in all the same, I stole into the bathroom to attempt to tame these unruly curls. In the end, I ended up just brushing them and putting in a bit of leave in conditioner. Then, I dressed in my favorite pair of Simon's jeans, they fit tight in all the right places, and a white button up, tie loose and top button undone.

I looked in the mirror and smirked, "You clean up nice Snow."

-  
[Simon POV]  
Let just say Breakfast was interesting. First I get there and find out Nial and Dev have detention so I use that as an excuse to sit with Penny and Agatha, obviously Penny had filled her in because when I sat down she smiled and said, "Hi Simon."

Then, Baz walks in and at least two people dropped and broke a plate, but I can see why. Baz had not only made my hair look like actual curls and not a wad of fluff, but he had dressed me up just as much as I had dressed him down. He sat down next to me, across from Penny and says, "Hello ladies." Then turns to me and smirks, "Baz."

I fought a smile and took a bite of Scone, "Snow."

After a moment of silence we all burst into laughter. 

-

The day went on like this until suddenly, I was pulled into a dark alcove. It was Baz. He looked worried, an expression familiar enough on my face.

He bit his nails, "I forgot about the dinner with my father tonight..."

I froze, "What?"

He grimaces, "I am supposed to go to dinner with him tonight...you'll have to do it."

I shook my head, "Oh no! Just say you're sick!"

He shakes his head, "Snow, I've canceled this dinner four times already. I can't!"

I slumped against the wall and groaned, "Fine, but you have to meet with the Mage tonight too."

He looked absolutely murderous, "What the fuck for?!"

I shrugged, "No clue, he said he wanted to try something to stable my magic. He's been trying a bunch of spells lately."

He sighs, "Simple enough. Fine." 

-

[Baz POV]  
An evening with the Mage...I was suddenly not so sure about it. He knows Simon, he knows how he acts, talks, walks, Alister Crowley, even how he eats... There's no way I could fool him.

-  
[Simon POV]  
Dinner with Baz's father sounds absolutely terrifying. I mean, this is Baz's father we're talking about. His own flesh and blood. There's no way I could fool him...

-  
[Baz POV]  
I paced in front of the room, contemplating what to do when Simon suddenly cleared his throat.

He was fumbling with the hem of one of my jumpers, "Baz..."

I didn't like the hesitation in his voice, "Snow..."

He coughed awkwardly, "Should we uh, you know..."

I sighed, he's in my body and he still can't stop stuttering, "Use your words Snow."

He huffed, "We need a shower."

I froze, "No."

He groaned, "Baz, I don't want to as much as you, but we both need to shower." He wrinkled his nose, "Especially after last night...in the catacombs..."

I clenched my fists, not liking that he has a point, "Let's go ask Bunce if she knows any spells."

He let out a relieved breath, "Thank god, I hadn't even thought of that..."

I sighed, of course he hadn't.

-  
[Simon POV]  
Penny laughed and laughed. I honestly don't know why she finds this so funny...But, here she is. Laughing so hard that there are tears on her cheeks and she's doubled over gasping for breath.

She giggled and stood up, "Y-you want to know if there are any, Shower Spells?" She giggled again, "You two have been roommates for seven years now, and neither of you has seen the other naked?" We both shook our heads and she fell into a fit of giggles again.

Baz sighed, "Now isn't the time Bunce. We asked a simple enough question. I believe a yes or no will suffice."

She wiped her eyes, fighting more giggles, "Sorry boys, the only spell is Clean As A Whistle."

Baz groaned, "Great so we have two options. Either we ignore the overwhelming awkwardness that is involved in showering a body that is not ours, or we go to meet my father and the Mage whilst smelling like the back end of one of Ebb's goats... marvellous."

Penny laughed again, "Precisely." She blew us both kisses as she walked away giggling like a madwoman.

I rubbed the heels of my hands into my eyes, "What do you suggest we do?"

-  
[Baz POV]  
An hour later we were both freshly showered, dressed and in need of therapy. Well, Snow is at least.

Simon pulled at the collar on the white dress shirt I had dressed him in. There was no way I was letting him go meet my father dressed like well, like Snow.

He wore a white button-up with a pair of black jeans, whereas I had just put on one of his uniforms. I sighed and walked over, "You're helpless." I unbuttoned the top button along with the cuffs, rolling them up to his elbows, "There. It's not formal wear, Snow."

He scowled, "I'd hate to see formal wear..."

I laughed, "You wouldn't last an hour at one of the Old Families parties."

He snorted, "That's your job, not mine."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms, "Oh yeah? What exactly is your job then, Snow?"

He flicked a piece of lint off his knee and said, "To beat the Humdrum." After a moment he added softer, "Or die trying."

It was moments like this that reminded me that yes, Simon Snow may only be seventeen years old, but he's got the weight of the whole magickal world teetering on his shoulders.

Trying to cheer him up I laughed and said, "Wouldn't it be ironic if the Humdrum attacked whilst we are switched? Then it would be me fighting and dying instead of you."

He froze.

-  
[Simon POV]  
I hadn't thought about that...

What if the Humdrum did attack? Could Baz defeat him? There was no doubt that he's a better Mage than I, but could he handle the power of my magic? I've had it trapped inside me for seventeen years and I still have a hard time with it... 

What if he tried and he couldn't? What if it killed him? No. Baz can't die.

I stood up suddenly and grabbed his shoulders, "Listen to me, if the Humdrum does attack, don't fight."

He looked shocked, "What? But what about stopping him? Your magic is the only chance!"

I shook my head, "But what if you can't handle it? What if my magic kills you?"

He froze, "That's what you're worried about?" He spoke soft, "Me?"

I stepped back abruptly, "Believe it or not Baz, but I haven't hated you for a long time..."

He stares at me like I've grown a second head, "Simon-"

I cut him off, "Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

He hesitates before nodding, "Fine. Besides, stupid is your area of expertise anyway." He smirked.

I arch an eyebrow, "And yours is tearing apart poor helpless animals."

He laughs and just like that it's back to normal. Or well, as normal as this situation can be...

[Baz POV]  
Later that evening, after my meeting with the Mage, I stumbled back to the dorm to find Simon already there. I started to greet him but stopped when I saw the familiar stiffness to his shoulders and the anger in his eyes. Something had happened at that dinner. Something had also happened with the Mage, but it would have to wait.

I slowly crossed the room, "Snow? Snow, what happened?" I crouched in front of him and said softly, "Simon, tell me what happened."

He finally looked down at me, tears threatening to spill, "I am so sorry."

I frowned, "What for? Simon, you're scaring me."

He gripped my hands, "I didn't know how-how...cruel, people could be." His voice was quiet. "He wants to send you to a conversion camp, to make you not gay..." I could hear the absolute disgust in his words.

I tried to pull my hands away, thinking he was disgusted by my sexual preference. Until he pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me and saying hurriedly, "Baz, don't ever let anyone tell you that there's something wrong with you. Besides being a Vampire, though I have to admit you're a pretty terrible one, I think you're perfect in every way."

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get any words out. So, I just sat there and gaped at him.

He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder. Having forgotten about the incident with the Mage, I winced and stifled a groan of pain.

I looked up at Simon and glared, "How could you let him treat you like this?"

He freezes, "I-I, I don't know what you're talking about."

I leaned back and ripped off my shirt, showing the fresh cuts and bruises, "Oh I think you do."

He looks at me, the expression of helplessness looks strange in my features, "He has to Baz. He's trying to fix me."

I gripped him by the shoulders and growled, "Simon Snow, you are NOT broken. There is nothing wrong with you. This, is NOT okay."

He shook his head, "You of all people should understand. You're in my body. You can feel how dangerous my magic is Baz! What happens when I go off in my sleep again, but this time I kill someone? Or worse, what if I hurt you?" He lets out a shaky breath.

Suddenly, the dinner bell goes off. I look at him and give him a weak smile, "Almost time."

He nods and swallows, "Before you run off, I want to tell you something. As soon as we change back."

I nod, "Okay."

We sit there for a few more minutes until we both start to glow and then when we can see again, we're back in our own respective bodies.

I look at Simon, happy to see his face again without having to look in the mirror, "Okay, now what did you want to-" My brain short circuits when his lips press against mine.


End file.
